he came back

People orbit one another. We transfer energy, we are pulled in by one other’s energy, or we can be equally repelled by it. It’s that intuition that we, as well as other animals, seem to have somewhere deep within us. It’s that moment you walk into a room, or shake someone’s hand, and something feels horribly wrong. Or perfectly right. You can’t exactly pinpoint why at that moment, but it’s energy. It’s empathy.

Some people come and go in our lives, leaving behind lessons, sunshine-filled moments, heartache, laughter, or various forms of energetic fingerprints on our souls. Some stay with us forever.

In a line from the new song Thank You by DJ Khaled and Big Sean, there’s one line where Sean says, “My GG told me God laugh at you when you make plans.”

I truly believe that. God has a tendency to make me eat my arrogant words.

There have been two different times in my life where I have literally thought, “this person will not mean anything to me in 10 years from now. They are irrelevant.” And for one reason or another, those two individuals, while they may no longer be in my life, their mark is irreversible and permanent on who I am as an individual. Their energy left its mark on my soul.

Then there are others whose energy we crave. Whether or not we “should.” You can be sitting at your desk at work and crave their presence so much you feel a literal pull towards whomever you’re thinking of. You want them. You need that energy. You orbit them, they are part of your solar system. You want to talk with them, laugh–whatever their energy and yours does when it fuses together. And in the moments you can’t have them, or can’t be near them and miss them dearly, that is when I believe we feel an almost orbital pull.

The question I have is – why? Who chooses these souls that we are pulled towards? That we crave? Have we met in another life, and we want each other once more? Are we connected? Are we soulmates? If we are still craving them, still trying to orbit one another, does that mean there is a lesson we have yet to learn?

Someone came back in my life recently that I truly felt was gone forever. I believed our energy had been severed by our grotesque treatment of one another. I still felt the pull when I thought of them, but as time went on the strength of that pull lessened. The pain lessened the bond. I was in a space of mourning, acceptance, and finally moving on. I let myself feel the pull, feel the anguish at losing them, but then it would let go. Finally, there were periods of time where I stopped thinking of them altogether.

And yet, there he was. Standing in my presence. Smiling. Almost laughing at me for assuming this would ever end, that it was really over. Eager to pick up where we left off. And I was dumbfounded. Because why?

Why do you still want to orbit one another? Why should we share that energy after we have learned a lesson? Are we connected? Is there some aspect of your connection to me that I don’t truly understand?

A repeated mistake is conscious decision making. We may not be the ones who choose exactly who our souls cling to, but we choose whether or not to engage. We choose to identify and accept lessons and move forward. We can choose to sever the tie no matter how much we ache for that energy and connection.

So if you are consciously choosing a bad decision yet again, does that mean the desire is too great for you to overcome, or there is a deeper meaning behind it all?

Why did you come back?

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